Monday, October 3

Love, your grandson

Awarded at The Memoirs Awards - in collaboration with Aaron's blog

(In Mandarin): "Yao hao hao du shu, zhuan hen duo qian ah..." (translated: Must study hard, earn a lot of money ah...)

I was touched so deeply I nearly cried in front of everyone in the hospital - never to forget those precious words. And I will regret for the rest of my life that I did not even say what was to be my final goodbye to her properly when we had to leave.

I was in ominous silence through the taxi rides to the hospital and back - I just somehow felt sad. Even though my paternal grandma appeared fine when we were at the hospital, things took a turn for the worse several days later.

1 Oct (Saturday night) My parents had come back late from visiting her, telling me that she was in a critical condition (in the isolation ward). Another regret - I was more caught up with my work and did not see her. That night, while in bed, I somehow had that ominous feeling again - that something was going to happen to her. I thought it was just a mere thought so I calmed my mind and drifted off to sleep.

2 Oct (early Sunday morning) I was jolted out of sleep by a phone call at around 3.30am this early morning. I heard my mum say to my dad, "...your mother just passed away..." I can't explain the sadness that welled up inside me - just that the tears just welled up and I broke down inside. I couldn't sleep for the next few hours until morning. I realized that the ominous feelings I had experienced was a forewarning for the ignorant me. Apparently, she faced difficulties in breathing due to pneumonia, at 1 am - and by 3.11 am, she was gone...

3 Oct (early Monday morning) It was about 4 am when I woke up again, this time not because of a phone call. Her face from the casket appeared to me again (I was at her wake earlier on Sunday night), peaceful and rested. I just felt so sad and broke down in tears again, deep inside regretting bitterly all those times that I could have spent with her but didn't and the undeserving kindness she showered upon me. It was just so sudden an impact on me, perhaps God's punishment for being unfilial. I didn't sleep properly for the second night straight.

I can't recall much of how she took care of me when I was young - only through old photographs and my parents will I be able to do so. I never had the faintest idea that her birthday which we celebrated in January this year would be her last. There were certain points in the past where I wanted to talk to her more but was hindered because of language difficulties I had in communicating with her. It is all too late now to get to know her better...

Even as I'm typing this, I can't help but just well up with tears. I don't know if I can sleep tonight. We never learn to appreciate things until they're gone. Now I know the real meaning of all those circulated e-mails asking us to treasure every minute of life and make the most of it.

The mourning continues until this Saturday where we will bid our final goodbyes to her. One thing's for sure, she was always be kept fondly in our memories. Never said it before, guess it's too late now. But still...

I love you, Grandma.

Love, your grandson

In loving memory: Grandma (1923-2005)


Blogger ~Mav'RiCk~ said...

Heys Eddy. I just came home from Batam. I understand how you feel. I went through the same thing with my Grandpa.

And don't bother with work, got it? Leave all the publicity things aside until you're better. And that's an order.

Feel free to talk to me about anything if you need to, alright? Take care man.

7:45 pm, October 07, 2005  

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