Saturday, January 28

In loving memory...

Maternal Grandma Tan Kim Kee 陈金枝(1930-2006)

Departed 26.01.06

Dearest Grandma,

I never realised you would leave so soon that afternoon, or I would have rushed to the hospital immediately. Oddly enough, I was on the train at Outram Park MRT Station during your final moments. I was terribly shocked to meet your body at the ward, but I was consoled that your many years of struggle with multiple illnesses (kidney failure, lung and heart problems) had come to a restful end.

You left so soon, I shouldn't have left for dinner the last time I saw you. Your parting return gift to me of $20 was certainly appreciated, yet even without it I already have more than enough. I have so many memories of you, as you have too. Alas, time and death has taken its toll. Was it just mere coincidence when I noticed the clock in your room had stopped exactly at the time you left this world - 5.13 pm? A premonition gone unnoticed.

You cared for me so much when I was just a small boy - I remember the Collon, Pocky and Hello Panda biscuits, among other items you bought when you visited us... the times we shared eating kway chap and wanton mee at the coffeeshops downstairs... the origami planes, boats, frogs and boxes you taught me to fold... so many memories.

You loved to cook - I forever cherish your dishes knowing I'll never be able to enjoy them anymore. Popiah, chicken rice, gnor hiong, lor mee, prawn noodles, nian gao, clams, fish - I love them all. Similarly, you took great pleasure in eating, enjoying a sumptuous variety of food all through your walk of life. You promised me that we would go out together for a big sumptuous lunch once you were well. I knew deep inside me that it could never happen, but I so admired your optimistic outlook on life. Hope you enjoyed all the dishes I bought for you during my visits to the hospital: ice jelly, chicken rice, siew mai, popiah and more.

Then, you were afflicted with kidney failure and had to undergo dialysis. Your will to live was strong, despite all these difficulties. You peservered on through each pain, each cramp, each ache. The tears in your eyes, and your failing memory over the last few days made me cry, seeing how much you were suffering yet how little I could do to help. You asked me to cut or remove the restraining strings that bound your hands onto the bed, but I reluctantly didn't do it - for your own good. You cared so much about our wellness and whether we had eaten. Were you waiting for me when you were about to leave? I can never be more sorry I promised to see you again soon. By the time I next came, it was too late.

Rest assured that your children, grand-children, and great-grand-children will take care of themselves and that we have all we want to live happily and adequately. I really miss your laughter, your jovial personality, your singing, your smile. My first original song composition I dedicate to you: "Vivid Dreams" with its theme of hope. I have also compiled a CD with 15 of your favourite songs and distributed a copy each for your children's families. In addition, your grand-daughter Jasmine has made a video clip as a tribute to your final journey on earth, with your favourite song "Qian Wo De Shou" in the background. I really regret not having the privilege to play your favourite songs on my electone organ for you... just for that one last time. It has been so long since you heard me play. Don't worry about me, I will work hard and eat hard.

Life has been so different these past days without you - I'm still adapting to it. Rest in peace... I'll see you again there in the heavenly realms. I'll always have you in my mind - forever. Be with me, my beloved one.

Loving you always,

Your grandson Edwin

Friday, January 20

Freaking pissed.

Couldn't wake up today... got to school almost 1 hour late... freaking pissed to find out my REMT project group wasn't in the studio. Don't everything depend on me to do, take more initiative - go approach Swee Beng open studio! What if I'm sick or I died, then how the project going to carry on? Please lah.

Then halfway through Musicianship class, I was wrecking my brain nuts over perfect cadences... stupid classical rule shit. Then Ian called and I had to rush all the concert publicity materials out in both hard and soft copies. In the middle of the lesson.

I'm freaking leader and admin liaison officer of every project group that I'm in... it's getting fucking annoying because if there's anything to be blamed - it's going to be on me, not the rest of the group - when I have so many bloody damn groups to manage. And the same stupid situation's happening to me again, like in secondary school... the leech that always gets taken advantage of!!

Who the hell bloody does most of the projects? Who manages all the admin stuff... you think so easy you go and do lah! It's already bloody late and there's NO TIME to do the assignments!

To all my group members: Better freaking - 1) DO YOUR WORK ASSIGNED TO YOU 2) QUALITY WORK, NOT CRAP 3) FOCUSED, not mapling or bloody other games and 4) HAND UP ON TIME or I'm really bloody going to complain to so-and-so lecturer that you've been slacking and don't deserve the marks... then that's your own bloody problem!

Tuesday, January 10

Rainy days and Mondays...

...always make me down. But it's more of the Northeast Monsoon - it's been raining almost continually every day for the past week. I get quite sick of the wet weather.

Had CRS discussion today at Candice's place in preparation for the Discussion Cafe on Thursday. Argh - debates again. And the dumb General Elective Modules we have to take are just a waste of precious time. Which reminds me that they (the diploma course management team) are intending to modify the course structure for next year to become more techonology-based. I'm more to the artistic music side. Haiz... that's why brushing up on audio technology basics are first in my priority list now.

Our graded performance concert's about a month away and the lecturers don't seem to care in the planning and approval of the administration and publicity involved - they're too caught up with all the polytechnic publicity propaganda stuff (e.g. Courses & Careers Fair) to bother with us. Childish polytechnics; always competing with each other and each claiming that they're better than the other.

It's late already so I gotta' go sleep... always waking up late for school these few days... Term 4's so bloody tiring (but I expected it anyway).

Saturday, January 7

New Year, New Challenges

It's been quite a few days since the new year and I haven't posted till now because of my workload and my old trusty but exploded computer monitor (it fizzled out a few days ago). This new year - a whole lot more challenges await me. Challenges that might overcome me if I don't take control of it.

What are group projects for if the members don't even take the intiative to contribute and, more disgustingly, DON'T even contribute. It's Term 4 of Year 1 in polytechnic and most of the class still haven't woken up from their ideas of slacking around. I'll make it MY academic resolution this year to join only groups that are WORTH my contributing to. There's no point in pushing or delegating work to other people when it ends up that all the shitload comes back to me again - either the work's not up to standard (N.B. I have a rather high standard), it doesn't come on time, or WORST OF ALL doesn't even arrive at all. A very good example is my largely defunct Concert Publicity Committee: most of you do your work; I appreciate it. But consider putting a larget amount of effort in it. I didn't delegate work to you all for nothing - I might as well have did it myself instead of waiting for the sometimes LATE work. If so, what's the POINT of having a committee in the first place (we're all supposed to contribute to lighten each other's workload)!

Gotta' rush my assignments out so I'll blog another time...